Unmanageability

I am powereless over people, places, and things.... and MY LIFE has become UNMANAGEABLE.

I am a sahm of  two, three and under, in a high risk pregnancy with baby3, on a  modified bed-rest of sorts, living in a 1000sq ft apartment... with a very supportive husband, recovering from a disease, who works full time, making 20k a year. Whew, what a mouth full. Since motherhood,  my life has been upside down, backwards and sideways.  Dont get me wrong, I LOVE being a mommy and all the wonder and joy you get from parenthood... but it's all upside down, backwards and sideways!

My heart condition has decided that pregnancy and parenting are enough, and its deciding to take a break. Meaning; I must have corrective surgery in the next couple of years, if I want to live and grow with my family.  Which means, everything I've ever known (energy, ability, emotions, desires, dreams, goals, expectations as a mother) has changed... drastically. In a relatively short amount of time.

What this has done to the household, the level of inability and lack of serenity,  is unreal (not including the fact that there are two able bodied, active toddlers living here). I will disclose photos because I know I'm not the only one who's been here in this situation. The Fly Lady has summed it up wisely: CHAOS.  An acronym for "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome".
(http://flylady.net)

Let me take a moment to say clearly: I am thankful for what I have, all that's been provided, and all the change that has happened during these few years. Progress is progress no matter how small. It all counts!

We have walkways throughout the house. Stacks of boxes, piles of stuff, in every possible location. My understanding is, the only differences between us and a "hoarder" (as in someone conflicted with the disease that controls the emotions and thinking) is that we willingly and eagerly purge items, and we are amidst habit-changing lifestyle changes. We are ridding our entire lives of clutter, one bag or box at a time. It just isn't fast enough for my likings!